no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
