if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We're too hungover to prance.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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