Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
