Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
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His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
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Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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