whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just high enough for therapy.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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