Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
