stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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