There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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