guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
