Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
