smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
