Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
