News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
