I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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