Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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