If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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