Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i can't believe i had my finger in that
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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