The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize