And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
handjob tips. give me some.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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