so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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