Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize