my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
