Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
