It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
