I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
