Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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