i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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