bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
