Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
