I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize