I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
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Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
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That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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