Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
