There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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