so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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