He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
