The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
