I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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