Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
