I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
