Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
