Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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