i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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