watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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