Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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