drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
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