I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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