try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
