I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
