Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
