He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize