hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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