i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
