Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
