im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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