You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
