You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
