porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
