Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
