just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
