So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
oh god was she eating orange peels again
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Randomize
