This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
