There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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