i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
