U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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