My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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