There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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