I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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