i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
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No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
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He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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