I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
