his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
