there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You have to summon your inner elephant
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
