I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
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After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
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I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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